By Mrs. Mercy Sturgess of Barton-le-Clay recorded in 1983 at the age of 87.<\/I><\/p>\n
The Lord help me, if His will, to write a few things for His honour. It has been on my mind for some time that I should write a little of my beginnings, as I hope, of a work of grace in my heart. As I have written of some of my later experience there must be a right beginning, which was very gentle, very small.<\/p>\n
I can look back to when I was eight or nine years old. I felt there was a God, an elect people, a heaven and a hell. I had checks of conscience and could not do as I would or go where I would.<\/p>\n
I lost my dear, godly mother when I was fifteen years old. Though she brought us children up very strictly, I loved her. The night before she died, she was telling us a few things of what the Lord had done for her. My eldest sister said to her, “You have been a good mother.” She answered, “No thanks to me.” O what a spirit she had, a right one. My heart went up to the Lord that I might have a double portion of that right spirit. I felt it a hard thing to lose a mother when so young and that I should never be able to say, I would not have one thing altered, as I had read of some. But I could, in after years, when I hope Christ was revealed to me as my God.<\/p>\n
Well, I went on with many fears that I was wrong; did it begin right? If I had gone out into the world and been brought back it would have been more clear. When young I used to like to read the Little Gleaner<\/I>. I read, I think it was there, about the servant girl. The minister told her to pray, “Show me myself,” and, “Show me Thyself,” which I felt I did. Later on I lost a sister; she died in hospital. She was very distressed and said she was a lost sinner. But the Lord appeared and she wanted to say goodbye to us all. As I was coming away from hospital, I walked with her mother-in-law. She said to me, “You must feel lost before you are found.” I felt I had not felt that, but afterwards I did. How the Word of God condemned me wherever I looked: “The soul that sinneth, it shall die”! Broken all the ten commandments, a destitute sinner, leprous all over; much more could be said. I felt the Lord put His hand again the second time to the work. Before it was only men as trees walking (Mark 8. 24). I felt I had no hope until Jesus revealed Himself as my only hope. I was a little helped to come to Him and confess myself as a hell-deserving sinner. He was the only way, and I was then helped to believe in Him in a little measure by hearing preaching from John: “Herein is love,” etc. Then in Romans 6. 14: “Sin shall not have dominion over you,” etc. Then Isaiah 27. 13: “They shall come which were ready to perish.” I then felt a good hope; Christ was precious. How I loved Him! He was mine. How good were Isaiah 40. 1, 2 and also Romans 8: “There is therefore now no condemnation to them,” etc., and “no separation.” My burden was gone.<\/p>\n
Then came on the exercise of the ordinances of God’s house for about twelve months. I felt it a very solemn step, many ups and downs. Did He die for me? Should I be kept in it . . . too young? But it became a very heavy exercise which I could not put off until I felt I had to speak. I felt I was walking in darkness by keeping back. So I was enabled to speak to my brother who was the deacon then, a time not to be forgotten. Next morning these lines came to me with feeling:<\/p>\n
“He wept, He bled, He died for you;
What more, ye saints, could Jesus do?”
I said, “No more, Lord.” Hymn 441.<\/p>\n
The next Sabbath I felt very comfortable. The preaching came much my way. The next week I felt very blest and felt my name was in the book of life; Christ was mine and I was His. I had prayed for the last verse of hymn 471 to be fulfilled in me,
“Let me attest Thy power;
Let me Thy goodness prove,
Till my full soul can hold no more
Of everlasting love,”
which I felt He answered. I cannot speak of it as I would; it seemed too great for such as me. I felt to be “a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips.”<\/p>\n
Later, when I was baptized, my brother said, “What is to be the first hymn?” I said, “One to praise the Three-One God in saving sinners.” He gave out hymn 405. When it came to that verse, “That worms of earth should ever be One with incarnate Deity!” I could not seem to sink low enough. I had felt I could not sit down at the Lord’s supper without feeling He was mine; it is so solemn. It was the Lord’s day. I was received into the church in the afternoon; I did not feel so much as I would. The next day I did not feel His presence. How I mourned His absence! I felt I could not live without Him. I said, “And to Thy glory take me in, for there I long to be.”<\/p>\n
As time went on, portions of Scripture were good to me. I remember once looking up to the Lord and asking Him to give me a word I did not know was in the Bible, which I should then feel was from Him. The word was: “They shall walk with Me in white,” then the words in Daniel, “For thou shalt rest, and stand in thy lot at the end of the days.” Thus I went on, very tried at times, and exercised also to do the right things in providence. And also as a church and people, in sending my brother out to preach and then having him as pastor. I felt it to be a right thing, and it proved to be food to my soul, if sometimes reproved. Thus I went on feeling my sinfulness and poverty.<\/p>\n
I feel I must leave off as I have written of some of my later experience. This I feel to be written very poorly but hope it is real. May it be able to be read. I never thought I should be able to write this at 87 years old in September 1983. Sorry my spelling may not be good. ‘Tis all of free grace, so all<\/I> the glory Lord be Thine.<\/p>\n
Mercy Sturgess (I still have to mourn an absent God and have to prove no man can keep alive his own soul. I wonder how it will be at my end.)<\/p>\n
Taken with permission from the Gospel Standard<\/I> June 2006<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Mrs. Mercy Sturgess of Barton-le-Clay recorded in 1983 at the age of 87. The Lord help me, if His will, to write a few things for His honour. It has been on my mind for some time that I should write a little of my beginnings, as I hope, of a work of grace […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"resource-author":[985],"topic":[],"class_list":["post-2463","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","resource-author-sturgess-mercy"],"yoast_head":"\n